• Our hope-filled future is bound up in sharing the story of Jesus, in discipling others, in bringing those disciples together into communities of believers, and in developing and releasing those believers to create other communities... till Jesus the King comes again!

Learning to adapt

A most pressing struggle when one “crosses into” or enters a culture different from one’s passport culture is learning to adapt.  What was natural, “normal” or innate for us in our own culture, now stands out as very different in another culture. For example, in North American culture, we are taught, when at the table, to hold the fork in our right hand and the knife in our left hand.  In France (and perhaps other European contexts), it is the opposite.  Changing what is “normal” from one’s own culture and adapting to one’s new adopted culture is not easy. And with this example, we are just scratching the surface of the kind of adaptation one is called upon to make when crossing cultures.

As more and more workers are launched and sent from the Global South – places such as Cameroon, Guatemala, Senegal and Indonesia , for example – the work of learning to adapt to one another will significantly increase. How do others, with whom we are called to work, make decisions, hold crucial conversations, or express agreement to mutually shared guiding principles?

Having crossed from one culture to another certainly gives tools for learning to adapt. However, that does not mean working from one’s home or passport culture excludes one from being able to learn to adapt. Either way, it will take time, effort, and gospel humility to learn.

And there is the key word for all of us: taking the stance of a “learner”. Rather than being a teller or a doer, we must work with others from a learning posture. Taking the stance of a “learner” will go against the grain of our nature.  We would prefer to be the one helping others rather than asking for help from others. In our heart of hearts, we often think we just know better what to do.

There is a good deal of difference between saying: “This is what we should do and the decision that needs to be made. What do you think?” And saying: “What would the decision-making process look like in your context?  And what will we need to do to best adapt to that process?

Taking the stance of a “learner” is to be willing to ask others for help. It sounds so simple, but it takes humility infused by the Gospel to allow us to honestly ask and listen to help from others.

Listening to feedback isn’t fun

‘Feedback’ is a word that has recently come into the French vocabulary.  It’s been in the English vocabulary for quite a while, but can have a number of different meanings.  We could say, in its simplest expression, feedback “includes any information you get about yourself.”

Giving-FeedbackHonestly though, we’re not really keen on feedback.  We’re not really keen on it because it touches who we are, what we do, or in other words, our identity.

With that in mind, most of us, when we give feedback, tend to gloss over the true growth needs of others.  We don’t want to ‘do wrong’ to the other by pointing out areas where he/she needs further development.  Most of us, when we receive feedback, tend to dismiss (read ‘argue about’) what was shared with us.  “It’s just wrong,” might be a phrase that comes to our minds after receiving some feedback.  When we are on the receiving end, listening to feedback isn’t a lot of fun, or at least that is how we perceive it.

I just started reading the book: Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well.  Two things stood out to me in the early pages of the book.

First, every piece of feedback has some good in it.  We may not like what is said or how it is said, but there are nuggets of wisdom and insight embedded in that feedback that could help us to grow in our character and competency.  A friend used to say: “In every criticism, there is an element of truth, otherwise it wouldn’t hurt so much.”  Our goal in receiving feedback is to sift through what we hear in order to learn how we might grow more.

Second, we need to distinguish between several different kinds of feedback.  The author of Thanks for the Feedback writes: “Broadly, feedback comes in three forms: appreciation (thanks), coaching (here’s a better way to do it), and evaluation (here’s where you stand).”  As a receiver of feedback, one of the first tasks must be to assess what kind of feedback we are talking about.  Our struggle with feedback can often be the result of misunderstanding the kind of feedback being offered.  Or it can be the result of a mix-up between the feedback you are looking for (such as appreciation) and the feedback you are receiving (such as coaching).

Listening to feedback may not be what we long to hear.  However, with a learning posture, we will not only benefit from feedback, we will develop a strategy to work on those needed growth areas of character and competency.

Listening to God is just hard

Have you ever taken an inventory of your prayer life?  I don’t mean an inventory of requests made and answers given.  I’m talking about an accounting of what you say when you pray.

Just doing a quick ‘check’ of the past few days, I came to the following conclusions:

  • I did a fair job of varying praise, thanksgiving, and prayer requests (little prideful thinking there).
  • Many times, I found myself praying: “And I want to ask you to …hear his voice
  • Basically I talked and God listened.

Listening, as I wrote yesterday, is just plain hard.  It’s hard because listening is not about us, but about others and understanding what is on their mind.  Maybe I could rephrase that in regards to prayer by saying that listening is not about us, but about God and understanding what is on His mind.

At the recent Europe leadership meetings, the main speaker made us to take some significant time to just ‘listen’ to God in prayer.  ‘Significant’ for most of us means about 2-3 minutes.  What I took from that time was how hard it is to listen to God.  In other words, how hard it is to shut off our continual prayer request default mode and ‘hear’ Him speaking to us through His Word and through the time spent listening to Him.

It’s not something I am good at (maybe you feel the same way). It’s not something I can learn quickly.  It’s something I must practice.

I’ve picked up a couple of books to stir my thinking on the subject: Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life, Donald S. Whitney; The Life You’ve Always Wanted, John Ortberg, and The Attentive Life, Leighton Ford.

Perhaps you might have others to suggest.  However, the point is for me, for you, to practice listening to God.

Listening is just hard

Talking is fairly easy, even if one is shy or introverted.  It’s ‘easy’ because we work to convey what is on our mind, what is our opinion about a topic.  Listening, on the other hand, is just plain hard.  It’s hard because listening is not about us, but about othlistening bisers and understanding what is on their mind.

Listening calls for double duty.

For one, we must shut off our ‘answer’ default mode, that is, we must stop thinking about our every response to another’s comments.  The point of listening is to understand the process whereby the other arrived at his/her thoughts.

For another, we must focus on clarifying questions.  In order to understand what another is ‘working to convey’ to you, questions (thoughtful questions) will allow you to sound out another’s thought process.  The fruit of this kind of listening is that it helps the listener know better how to ‘intervene’ in the life of the other.  It will allow the one speaking to actually assess the import and soundness of his/her thoughts.

Listening is a skill. It is a competency that many of us must work on.

I had the benefit of a personal example of skill-full listening the other day.  Two close friends were over for a time of sharing and prayer together.  At one point, I ‘vented’ about some the frustrations I was experiencing.  I made some strong statements, some exaggerated statements.

Our friends did not immediately push back on me, trying to prove me wrong.  They asked numerous questions; at times rephrasing what I said to be sure they had heard what I was saying.  The questions were in no way contentious either.  They were carefully worded, and their impact was felt much later.  Yes, there were some responses on their part.  However, their questions caused me to re-examine what I had been saying and the ‘steps’ I had been considering to take.

I think our close friends had the harder work that night.  It was easy for me to talk.  I know it was hard for them to listen.  The result, however, was that their work of listening turned me back to the ‘everlasting way’ (Psalm 139:24).

Foundations are forever

Foundations are forever”.  I don’t remember who is the author of that important phrase, but I do remember that I first heard it in ‘CP 201’ from Paufoundationsl T.  “Foundations are forever” means that the principles we first ‘pour into’ our work of discipleship and church planting cannot be easily changed at a later point.

If we, as cross cultural workers, choose to take on the bulk of responsibility for the ministry from the very start, then national believers who are part of ‘our’ church will show little interest or desire for taking on the work and ministry. “Foundations are forever”.

If we, as cross cultural workers, simply tell our new believers (by our words and actions) what church should look like, we may unconsciously create a ‘church’ that is culturally irrelevant.  “Foundations are forever”.

If our speech is filled with the Gospel, but we create a church culture where it’s all about doing for the Lord, then local believers may have little joy in life from the weight of legalism.  “Foundations are forever”.

One of the funny things I have learned over the course of the last number of years is that the principle applies as well to my life as a cross cultural worker.  “Foundations are forever”. There are foundations that have been laid in my life that are not the foundations the Lord desires for my life.  Foundations that need to be broken up and re-poured.

There is a lot of talk in our mission about the Gospel.  I have greatly profited in my own life from daily ‘speaking the Gospel’ to my own heart. However, if we were honest, the default mode, the true foundation in times of deep community and accountability is more of selfishness than Christ.

When we are asked to do something for another, we may choose to ‘rebel’ and criticize, rather than respond and learn.  When someone asks a critical question of our work or ministry, we may choose to defend ourselves rather than see it as a ‘searchlight’ moment (Psalm 139).  When someone pulls us aside after a team meeting and asks what the ‘energy’ and anger was they felt, we may choose to ignore a systemic problem and not allow our brother or sister to help us grow. “Foundations are forever”.

It’s time for lunch and there’s lots to discuss after this class. Tomorrow we will talk about what we might do to change faulty foundations.

We know what to do

I remember well one of our first groups of interns serving at the Paris Prayer Conference. They were given several days to ‘figure out’ the Paris metro system before taking a group of participants to different sites each day for prayer.  On day one of the conference, they brought all the participants from their hotel to our mparis3ain meeting place.  When they arrived, I ‘tested’ them by asking what metro line they had taken to get to the meeting place.  “You took line 6, right?” Their reply caught me by surprise: “No, we took line 3It looked like a shorter route.”  I had always taken line 6 to get to the meeting place.  I knew what to do to get to the meeting place.  Where in the world did they come up with the idea of taking line 3?

How I felt then, was how I felt today when Rebecca & I read this comment in the devotional, Saving Grace, by Jack Miller: “Depend on the Holy Spirit.  He is the sovereign one.  If you want to know how to exercise your gifts with love, ask the Father to give you the Spirit with his control, presence, and guidance.  Ask him to humble your heart, to make you depend on him, to help you to listen to him with sensitivity, and to give you an obedient heart.  It is often the case that we don’t listen to the Spirit because we’ve made up our minds that we already know what we should do.”

God does want us to make plans, but those plans should involve daily listening to the Spirit to see if He is moving us in a different direction; to work in a different way or to just do something differently than the way we always did it before.

It’s not a daily ‘throwing out’ of our plans and direction.  It’s a daily re-submitting of our hearts and plans into His hands.

It starts by asking the Father for the Spirit, and listening collectively to His voice.