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Hearing from Others

Posted on July 22, 2025 by wtdavid

Many of us have quoted this verse from Proverbs: “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Good counselors provide the needed input and wisdom we need. However, I find that I will often seek the counsel of those who will agree with me and avoid the counsel that may raise questions about the direction or decision I am considering.

In the book, Thanks for the Feedback, the authors state that the problem with feedback comes not from the one giving it but from the one receiving it.  Simply because the receiver is not sure what to do with, or how to sift, the feedback that is given. Learning to sift feedback to discover the kernel of truth embedded in what was said is an essential component of learning to really ‘hear’ others. What others share with us, and even those with whom we may disagree, can contain elements of truth that are essential for whatever we may be in the process of deciding.

Add in the element of cultural difference(s) and the process becomes a bit more complex. The principle, however, remains the same. If we can learn to sift the feedback that is given, by expending added effort to understand the context from which it is given, we can benefit from this new angle of insight. An insight that we perhaps would not have received from those within our own cultural context.

In the long run, and in a changing global context, we need feedback from people close to us, farther away from us culturally, and from those who see things differently than we do.

Now all that is easy to say in theoretical terms.  Seeking feedback (input) from others will mean going out and asking for it, so that we can practice the skill of hearing others well.

Filed under: Crossing cultures, Feedback, Listening | Leave a comment »

Five Coins

Posted on March 13, 2019 by wtdavid

As I was heading my way to the gathering of WT Asia leaders this week, I remembered an article that I had read.  The basic gist of the article was that in many conversations with other colleagues, we tend to talk way more than we listen to the others in the room.  The author stressed that robust dialogue and discussion come when we give a majority of our time to listening as opposed to speaking.  Listening serves as the critical context for responding (speaking) well to others.

Now, we recognize that this principle is a basic biblical truth: “Know this, my beloved brothers (and sisters): let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”  (James 1.19)  I think the problem for many of us is that we know this truth, but we’re not sure the best way to actually practice it.  Oftentimes, we’ll try to practice this truth by talking to ourselves into being a better listener: “You know, David, in this next meeting, you need to just listen more and not talk so much.”  Then we get into that next meeting, and before we know it, we’re speaking up the bulk of the time!

Now there are certainly a number of possible applications, and we know that the only way we will become a better listener is by the working of grace in our hearts.  However, the author of the article I read suggested an idea that might provide some fuel for the Spirit in our ‘training’.

Here’s the author’s simple recommendation:  imagine walking into a conversation or discussion with five (5) coins in your hand. Each coin represents one time where you inject your thoughts into a conversation.  When the five coins have been ‘used’, your ‘microphone’ is turned off.

Now I’m not saying we should slavishly practice this idea, but I will say it causes you to think more carefully about the words you think are so important to share at each and every moment in a conversation.  It also pushes you to listen well and try to better understand what the other is really saying before speaking.

I’m hoping by the end of this week, I (and each of us) will have ‘made some progress’ in listening well and speaking with more wisdom … by using our five coins well.

Filed under: Communication, Listening | 4 Comments »

Preparing our minds for action

Posted on April 26, 2017 by wtdavid

‘Drifting’ is something that can occur while standing and talking with someone.  I can be listening to the person, but in effect not really listening to them because I am not being ‘mindful’.  I am not ‘present’ with them at that moment.  Mindfulness is a discipline, a reflex that each of us should work on.

However, I also recognize that I can ‘drift’ in my walk with Christ.  I can go through the motions of spiritual disciplines without those disciplines or habits having enough impact to change the way I think and act.  I could say that ‘mindfulness’ applies not only to cross cultural communication, but to my life and ministry in general.

When Peter writes in 1 Peter 1:13: “Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ,” is that not in some way a call to mindfulness in regards to our spiritual life? 20-week

Each time you run a marathon or participate in a triathlon, there is a preparation schedule or plan that you follow.  That plan oftentimes extends over many months and is meant to help you in ‘building’ towards the actual event.

The good news is that we are not alone in this preparation.  Surrounded as we are by the community with whom we serve, we can daily remind one another to ‘prepare our minds for action’.  Becoming more mindful in our life and ministry is a joint effort.

Filed under: Community, Lifelong learning, Listening | Leave a comment »

Drifting

Posted on April 24, 2017 by wtdavid

On a recent health questionnaire for a medical checkup here in Europe, I read the statement: “I have a tendency to doze off while reading.”  You were supposed to state whether that specific ‘tendency’ happened rarely, occasionally, often or regularly.  I thought the question was kind of silly.

However, early in this week I read the following quote from a book on building cultural intelligence: “The idea of mindfulness is what we often talk about as being “fully present” or “in the moment”. With our minds always active and thinking about a million different things, it is sometimes difficult to just be present and focus our attention squarely on our current situation and surroundings …. Mindfulness also goes beyond this and involves how we absorb and assimilate what we hear in interactions with others from different cultural backgrounds.”

wandering thoughtsTo put it in other terms, we can ‘drift’ when we are in discussion with others, when we are engaging others in conversation and dialogue.  We may be physically present in the same room, but we are kilometers away emotionally ,and are intellectually unengaged.  If that discussion involves others who are different from us (particularly culturally different), the ‘drift’ deprives us even more of opportunities to grow in our cultural intelligence and empathy.

Mindfulness then is a habit, a reflex, a discipline that needs to be developed.  It needs to be developed in order for us to be of greater service to God in a world that is growing more and more multicultural every day.

A small step in that discipline would be to try and summarize what was said in a conversation, at different intervals, and ask the other to amend or add to what you thought you heard.

It’s a bit of work, but the effort would be rewarded in greater ‘mindfulness’.

Filed under: Cultural intelligence, Lifelong learning, Listening | Leave a comment »

If I could dream again

Posted on April 18, 2017 by wtdavid

Have you ever found yourself ‘dreaming’ of how things might go better if even small things changed?  Have you ever ‘dreamed’ about the potential that would be released in the ministry and relationship spheres of a team if solutions were found for certain issues that beleaguered them?

If I could dream, if I could envision how we as a global community of World Team would be different four months from now, I would see a community of workers who choose to think well of others and hear them out.kids-listening

Whether it is a leader-leader, leader-worker, or worker-worker relationship, I am often surprised by how little ‘weight’ we give to the thoughts, ideas and direction of others.  In the case of leaders, I have noticed an unspoken assumption that whenever a leader ‘speaks’ (in writing or in person), their input can be discounted because the thinking is that he/she must not have the best in mind for those he/she leads.  In the case of teammates, we may talk much about community, but in the end ‘we will do what we have to do’ and will choose to ignore the input of others in our community to do what we (personally) think is best.

Yes, we can disagree with others with whom we work.  However, are we actually ‘mining’ the feedback, direction or ideas we receive for all it can teach us?  Is our style of followership causing those who lead us to ‘groan’ rather than ‘be joyful’ and thus depriving ourselves of their influence in our lives?

It’s a hard sentence to get out, but it might help us choose to think well of others and hear them out: “So tell me more about what you mean when you said …”

If I could dream, if I could envision how we as a global community of World Team would be different four months from now, I would see a community of workers who choose to think well of others and hear them out.

Filed under: Feedback, Leadership, Listening, Teams | 11 Comments »

Ask who? (again)

Posted on March 31, 2017 by wtdavid

Ad made a comment on my blog post yesterday.  Here’s what he wrote: “”Go directly to the people you have the hardest time with. Ask them what you’re doing that’s exacerbating the situation. They will surely tell you.”  Mmmh, what about if the people are from a culture with indirect communication?  Would not a mediator be better to ask that question?”

Ad hit the proverbial ‘nail on the head’.  It’s why listening is so important, and why it is a skill that most of us need to be working on continually.  Not only will listening well help us benefit from the feedback we receive, it will teach us to look for the best context in which to ask and receive that feedback.

I think that is why the writers of Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well, stated earlier in yesterday’s quote: “… then there’s something going on that you’re not “getting,” and without her help, you’re not going to get it.  It may be a cultural difference that you need to understand if you’re going to be effective in her market.”

Not only do we need to be aware of cultural cues that we may be missing in our conversations, but we also need to understand how to ask for feedback in a culturally appropriate way.  If you are from an indirect culture, asking for feedback or receiving feedback will look quite different from those who are from direct cultures.

However, what remains constant is how we will choose to respond to that feethanksForFeedbackdback. 

It’s funny.  I can read the title of this book in two ways.  I could read it, “thanks for the feedback” and in my mind say it with a very begrudging tone.  Or, I could read it, “thanks for the feedback” and in my mind say it with an honest and grateful tone; thinking what I will “mine” from this feedback that will help me grow.

When you hear feedback, with what tone are you most often saying in your mind: “Thanks for the feedback”?

Filed under: Crossing cultures, Feedback, Lifelong learning, Listening | 3 Comments »

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