• Our hope-filled future is bound up in sharing the story of Jesus, in discipling others, in bringing those disciples together into communities of believers, and in developing and releasing those believers to create other communities... till Jesus the King comes again!

Hearing from Others

Posted on July 22, 2025 by wtdavid

Many of us have quoted this verse from Proverbs: “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Good counselors provide the needed input and wisdom we need. However, I find that I will often seek the counsel of those who will agree with me and avoid the counsel that may raise questions about the direction or decision I am considering.

In the book, Thanks for the Feedback, the authors state that the problem with feedback comes not from the one giving it but from the one receiving it.  Simply because the receiver is not sure what to do with, or how to sift, the feedback that is given. Learning to sift feedback to discover the kernel of truth embedded in what was said is an essential component of learning to really ‘hear’ others. What others share with us, and even those with whom we may disagree, can contain elements of truth that are essential for whatever we may be in the process of deciding.

Add in the element of cultural difference(s) and the process becomes a bit more complex. The principle, however, remains the same. If we can learn to sift the feedback that is given, by expending added effort to understand the context from which it is given, we can benefit from this new angle of insight. An insight that we perhaps would not have received from those within our own cultural context.

In the long run, and in a changing global context, we need feedback from people close to us, farther away from us culturally, and from those who see things differently than we do.

Now all that is easy to say in theoretical terms.  Seeking feedback (input) from others will mean going out and asking for it, so that we can practice the skill of hearing others well.

Filed under: Crossing cultures, Feedback, Listening | Leave a comment »

If I could dream again

Posted on April 18, 2017 by wtdavid

Have you ever found yourself ‘dreaming’ of how things might go better if even small things changed?  Have you ever ‘dreamed’ about the potential that would be released in the ministry and relationship spheres of a team if solutions were found for certain issues that beleaguered them?

If I could dream, if I could envision how we as a global community of World Team would be different four months from now, I would see a community of workers who choose to think well of others and hear them out.kids-listening

Whether it is a leader-leader, leader-worker, or worker-worker relationship, I am often surprised by how little ‘weight’ we give to the thoughts, ideas and direction of others.  In the case of leaders, I have noticed an unspoken assumption that whenever a leader ‘speaks’ (in writing or in person), their input can be discounted because the thinking is that he/she must not have the best in mind for those he/she leads.  In the case of teammates, we may talk much about community, but in the end ‘we will do what we have to do’ and will choose to ignore the input of others in our community to do what we (personally) think is best.

Yes, we can disagree with others with whom we work.  However, are we actually ‘mining’ the feedback, direction or ideas we receive for all it can teach us?  Is our style of followership causing those who lead us to ‘groan’ rather than ‘be joyful’ and thus depriving ourselves of their influence in our lives?

It’s a hard sentence to get out, but it might help us choose to think well of others and hear them out: “So tell me more about what you mean when you said …”

If I could dream, if I could envision how we as a global community of World Team would be different four months from now, I would see a community of workers who choose to think well of others and hear them out.

Filed under: Feedback, Leadership, Listening, Teams | 11 Comments »

Ask who? (again)

Posted on March 31, 2017 by wtdavid

Ad made a comment on my blog post yesterday.  Here’s what he wrote: “”Go directly to the people you have the hardest time with. Ask them what you’re doing that’s exacerbating the situation. They will surely tell you.”  Mmmh, what about if the people are from a culture with indirect communication?  Would not a mediator be better to ask that question?”

Ad hit the proverbial ‘nail on the head’.  It’s why listening is so important, and why it is a skill that most of us need to be working on continually.  Not only will listening well help us benefit from the feedback we receive, it will teach us to look for the best context in which to ask and receive that feedback.

I think that is why the writers of Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well, stated earlier in yesterday’s quote: “… then there’s something going on that you’re not “getting,” and without her help, you’re not going to get it.  It may be a cultural difference that you need to understand if you’re going to be effective in her market.”

Not only do we need to be aware of cultural cues that we may be missing in our conversations, but we also need to understand how to ask for feedback in a culturally appropriate way.  If you are from an indirect culture, asking for feedback or receiving feedback will look quite different from those who are from direct cultures.

However, what remains constant is how we will choose to respond to that feethanksForFeedbackdback. 

It’s funny.  I can read the title of this book in two ways.  I could read it, “thanks for the feedback” and in my mind say it with a very begrudging tone.  Or, I could read it, “thanks for the feedback” and in my mind say it with an honest and grateful tone; thinking what I will “mine” from this feedback that will help me grow.

When you hear feedback, with what tone are you most often saying in your mind: “Thanks for the feedback”?

Filed under: Crossing cultures, Feedback, Lifelong learning, Listening | 3 Comments »

Ask who?

Posted on March 30, 2017 by wtdavid

I’m continuing to work my way through the book: Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well.  I fell upon the following quote this morning:

“The other surprisingly valuable players in the feedback game are the people you find most difficult … When we are under stress or in conflict we lose skills we normally have, impact others in ways we don’t see, are at a loss for positive strategies.  We need honest mirrors in these moments, and often that role is played best by those with whom we have the hardest time.   If that overseas client thinks you’re an idiot, then there’s something going on that you’re not “getting,” and without her help, you’re not going to get it.  It may be a cultural difference that you need to understand if you’re going to be effective in her market.  It may be that your tone and word choice are upsetting her in ways you don’t realize. That’s worth figuring out. And you’ll need her help to do it.  Want to fast-track your growth?  Go directly to the people you have the feedback questionshardest time with. Ask them what you’re doing that’s exacerbating the situation. They will surely tell you.”

My very first thought was, “Ask who?  You’re kidding, right?”

However, there is some nugget of truth in what these authors wrote.  That nugget might just be that there are insights that can be gained by expanding one’s feedback circle.

Most of us go to people who we know are ‘for us’ and we expect that their feedback will primarily be positive and encouraging.  In fact, the truth being said, our closest friends oftentimes hesitate to share honest feedback because they know what our reaction will be or they just don’t want to risk damaging the friendship.  I don’t mean to say that we won’t get good feedback from those closest to us.  However, we need more feedback from a larger circle in order to be able to grow further in our character and competency.

So, what would it look like to expand your feedback circle?  What’s a practical step you (and I) can take in the coming weeks?

Filed under: Character, Competency, Feedback, Listening | 1 Comment »

Listening to feedback isn’t fun

Posted on March 29, 2017 by wtdavid

‘Feedback’ is a word that has recently come into the French vocabulary.  It’s been in the English vocabulary for quite a while, but can have a number of different meanings.  We could say, in its simplest expression, feedback “includes any information you get about yourself.”

Giving-FeedbackHonestly though, we’re not really keen on feedback.  We’re not really keen on it because it touches who we are, what we do, or in other words, our identity.

With that in mind, most of us, when we give feedback, tend to gloss over the true growth needs of others.  We don’t want to ‘do wrong’ to the other by pointing out areas where he/she needs further development.  Most of us, when we receive feedback, tend to dismiss (read ‘argue about’) what was shared with us.  “It’s just wrong,” might be a phrase that comes to our minds after receiving some feedback.  When we are on the receiving end, listening to feedback isn’t a lot of fun, or at least that is how we perceive it.

I just started reading the book: Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well.  Two things stood out to me in the early pages of the book.

First, every piece of feedback has some good in it.  We may not like what is said or how it is said, but there are nuggets of wisdom and insight embedded in that feedback that could help us to grow in our character and competency.  A friend used to say: “In every criticism, there is an element of truth, otherwise it wouldn’t hurt so much.”  Our goal in receiving feedback is to sift through what we hear in order to learn how we might grow more.

Second, we need to distinguish between several different kinds of feedback.  The author of Thanks for the Feedback writes: “Broadly, feedback comes in three forms: appreciation (thanks), coaching (here’s a better way to do it), and evaluation (here’s where you stand).”  As a receiver of feedback, one of the first tasks must be to assess what kind of feedback we are talking about.  Our struggle with feedback can often be the result of misunderstanding the kind of feedback being offered.  Or it can be the result of a mix-up between the feedback you are looking for (such as appreciation) and the feedback you are receiving (such as coaching).

Listening to feedback may not be what we long to hear.  However, with a learning posture, we will not only benefit from feedback, we will develop a strategy to work on those needed growth areas of character and competency.

Filed under: Feedback, Lifelong learning, Listening, Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

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