It’s been 264 hours since my last post. That’s way too long. Yet, the time has afforded me the opportunity to begin to detect a habitual response in my mind to certain conversations; a response that is concerning. I guess you might say I’m trying to work out, by the Spirit’s help, what it means to become more self-aware (see a previous post about this idea of self-awareness)
It actually happened several times over the past few days. The first time was with a friend who was visiting. We were out walking the beach on a weekend, when he stopped, pulled out his Bible from his pocket and began to read Psalm 95. He turned his eyes towards the ocean when he read: “In whose hand are the depths of the earth, the peaks of the mountains are His also. The sea is His, for it was He who made it.” Then he paused when he got to the line: “For He is our God, and we are the people of His pasture, and the sheep of His hand. Today, if you would hear His voice, do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah.” He turned and looked at me, and said, “David, we are hearing the voice of the Lord today, here in His creation.” He stopped, took my hand along with the others with us, bowed his head and prayed a prayer filled with worship to the Lord. I felt uncomfortable. People walking the beach were watching this small group huddled together, heads bowed. This is France, where such outward expressions are not the norm. Something didn’t feel right in my heart. Something was “closing”.
It happened a second time when I was out to breakfast with a couple who were visiting France on a vision trip. In sharing their journey, they listed off a number of insights they were gaining about the French people and their needs (emotional & spiritual). As I listened, I found myself wanting to disagree with what they were saying. I thought to myself, they’ve only been here two weeks and they think they’ve figured out this culture. Fortunately, the Lord gave me grace to not speak up, and just continue listening. Yet, that “closing” feeling was there again.
When it happened a third time, I took a step back to reflect. It was then that, slowly, I began to recognize the indicators of what I will call a “closing mind” or heart. One indicator is being unable to discern how God might be speaking to me (to us) through different and varied sources. A second would be an unhealthy confidence in my own cultural (and spiritual) journey that would keep me from looking at new ideas, new perspectives.
Are either of those indicators present within us as a community or as a mission?
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